For the first time a few weeks ago, someone asked me what “that was”, pointing at my neck. They asked out of curiosity and I will never mind answering that question. But it was weird. It used to be subtle enough that no one even noticed. Now I know people can see it.
I usually wear scarves around my neck. I have an impressive collection of scarves in a vast array of colors and prints. I am trying to not wear them so much anymore. I realise that I am wearing those scarves to conceal my neck, and it is not a good reason to wear them, if you ask me. I only want to wear the scarves because I like them. So for right now, no scarves.
I told my curious friend that I am ill, and that it is most visible on my skin, but that my insides are also ill. The skin is just the reminder of what goes on under.
I want to love that skin. I want to show it. Hiding it won’t fix me, or make me healthier. I look at my neck in the morning and I pull at the yellowed, bumpy, scaly skin and I try to like it.
When I explained to my friend what I had, she just said : “You are like a cute lizard!”
I sort of really want people to think of me as a cute lizard now. :) They can look at my skin and think I’m a lizard all they want.
Tumblr’s great for reblogging photos of smoothies, nike shoes and cute animals, but lately I am craving some substance. :)
I am looking to follow blogs by politically engaged individuals or just to be exposed to writings that will bring some reflexion. I am interested by questions such as body image, womens rights movements, LGBTQIA actuality, WOC actuality, etc. I already read some great blogs online, but I’d like to follow tumblr pages. Your blog maybe? Feel free to throw your favourites my way :) x
ihappentolovelife: The fact that you may enjoy consensual rough sex -like I do- does not mean that an individual who has experienced rape is also comfortable reading the sentence I denounced as "rape culture". That sentence is triggering to some individuals, wether you agree or not with the way I worded it. I do not know what it is to be a rape survivor, an wether *you do or not belongs to you. But I've had friends tell me of the anxiety their past agression causes them to this day. I stand with these friends.
No, no no no no. barging in on something that is 100% ok in the context it was written in and yelling BUT MUH FEEELS is NOT okay, and I really dont like it when people just use their feels as an excuse to stop other people from reading something completely fucking ok that they can relate to. nobody is forcing you to read it, you can read the beginning and pretty much assume what its going to talk about, and just stop. also, I am going to jump right in and assume you come from a 1st world western country, which has no such thing as a “rape culture”. you honestly have to be either blind or insane to call a culture that its people react vengfully and violently to rape and rapists a “rape” culture, when rapists get prolonged jail sentences, shot, lynched and even the SUSPICION of rape can completely ruin someones life forever. that is NOT a rape culture and frankly, when 1st world westerners use those 2 words together I get sick to my fucking stomach.
TRIGGER WARNING FOR TALKS ABOUT RAPE / PHYSICAL ASSAULT
Wether something is “100% OK in the context it was written” is never an absolute, your ideas on the matter are sadly not absolute, and if some people do feel offended, it becomes obvious that the sentence is not 100% okay.
Again, my own feelings don’t really matter in the current situation, as I have not had to deal with actual physical agression before. I am not reacting out of my personally hurt feelings, or because I am personally going into an anxiety attack when I read things like these. I react like this out out of consciousness for the feelings of other women. No, I am not the voice of every single woman, but considering that I’ve had people tell me before that this type of comments is very uncomfortable to them, I am trying to be more conscious about them. All of this is coming from a woman who used to think it was okay to say that an academic test had “raped me”, until I realised that some women sitting around me had actually been sexually assaulted. I have become more accountable for my words since. Changing yourself is the first step.
You defend the sentence as totally fine because there is a context to it. I personally see none. The sentence only reads “Nothing says “I like you a lot” like a hand around your neck during sex.”
It doesn’t read : “Me and my significant other practice safe and consensual rough sex. We love to hold each other down and restrain each others movements/breathing during sex. We have a safe word : it is “dinosaur”.”
No, the sentence I read out of its context can definitely be problematic.
Imagine for a second that a lot of young males read this sentence, and take note. Imagine that a lot of them take it that that all, or at least most women enjoy having a hand put around their necks during sex. Then imagine that some people just pull this move during sexy time, because it seems like a legit thing to do.Now realise that a lot of young men and women have an already pretty skewed idea of what a healthy sexual intercourse should be like, because of pornography and other socially accepted sexual violence (YES, even in our awesome-amazing-omg-lucky-us western countries, rape is still greatly under reported, and rarely punished. Rape isn’t just about soldiers destroying villages and violating women or men hiding in shady corners on empty streets until they find someone to assault. Sorry. A lot of western women will be raped and slut-shamed in their lifetime, most of the time by a partner or someone they trust. They will be reluctant to report agressions perpetrated by friends. Their agressors WILL run free, and very often not realise they are rapists. Rape can be as “simple” as someone inserting an object inside you without asking you, during otherwise consensual sex. I’m not sure where your idea that rape culture is “country-specific” comes from? Aren’t women all around the world fighting for their rights, for their safety?)
I am quite puzzled by your reaction. I do realise that your blog’s header is that you own this personnal space to be as grumpy as you want, but my personnal opinions and experiences (and my friends’ and family’s experiences) should not be dismissed with a “No no no!” because you feel differently about the matter.
I would like to add that I respect your right to take no offense at all in the sentence I denounced, but you seem to not respect my right to DO take offense on the behalf of people I know this would hurt.
Nothing says “I like you a lot” like a hand around your throat during sex.
Nothing says “rape culture” more than a 15 words sentence referencing a situation that millions of women and men have literally had to dial 911 for, that still somehow manages to gather hundreds of thousands of reblogs on a major social networking website like it’s a cute, romantic thing.